I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
