It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
