i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
