you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
