maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
