I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
