Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
where am i from again
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
