I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
