I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
