between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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