You just made me feel so damn special
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
