he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
