Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
