The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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