At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
