I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
