hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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