How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
