Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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