as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
