Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
