is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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