I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
