Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
