So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
