Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Barsexuality is the new black.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
