I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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