she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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