yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
