Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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