Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
