But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
