it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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