yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Mom said you looked used
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
