dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
