Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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