my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
