ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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