So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
