I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
