Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dont even know how to be here
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
