the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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