after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
