Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
