wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
