first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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