so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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