Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What drink are we having for lunch?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
