last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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