I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
