Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
