You're my little dorito
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Come on in and take your pants off
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