Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
