The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I won the penis lottery.
We got so high we made milksteak
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
