The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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