Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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