cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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