Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
